She is in my trunk
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just googled if crying burns calories
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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