even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
