i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
