I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
