Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
