I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
