you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Two words: nipple clamps
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