if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
