No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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