We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
