first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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