What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize