he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
