We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize