if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
