Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
