He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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