Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
