Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I could fuck to npr.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
