he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
