I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
