what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
