I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
