Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
