dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I puked a lego.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
