I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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