you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
