im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I could fuck to npr.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
