Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She needs sedatives and a leash
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
