I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
