I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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