I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
