I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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