I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
