She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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