glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
