I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
