it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize