He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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