Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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