Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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