I showed him my bush... on skype.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
