I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
