her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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