We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
