im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
