we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
