moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
