Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
