i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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