Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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