Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Boobs are out for the taking
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
