Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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