My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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