yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
