hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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