It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
