I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize