is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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