Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
