I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
