They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We're too hungover to prance.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
