I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
