I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Someone shattered a urinal.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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