what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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