WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
