so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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