It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
