My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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