So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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