I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
