i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
