There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
