Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
