Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
