dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
