Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Randomize
