His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize