You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
