I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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