Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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