Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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